The Secret to Getting Lots of Dates (Easily!)

Q: “I’ve never had a girlfriend and haven’t even been on very many dates. I have no idea what to do! - Jackson S.

A: Dating is very important to your personal growth and I would strongly advise you go on as many dates as you can. Luckily, getting dates is easy! There’s a secret that will literally change your life, and I’m going to share it with you!

The 70 (or 50) Date Challenge:

Make a commitment to yourself that you are going to go on 70 casual dates (50 if you don’t know many people) with different girls before you are allowed to have a serious relationship! Even if she likes you and you like her, you must keep it from being serious and continue dating other girls. I’m serious! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, you are FORBIDDEN from being in any kind of relationship until your 70 dates are up!

(Note: In case anyone asks, multiple dates with the same person are acceptable, but only up to 20. So at least 50 have to be different people.)

And no, your grandma doesn't count.

And no, your grandma doesn’t count.

It’s a challenge! 70 dates! Getting dates is easy, especially if you tell them up front of your commitment. And that’s the big secret…


The reason why girls get scared about going on dates is they fear the guy will like them and they will be stuck and thus don’t want to give the wrong impression by agreeing to a date. So, by explaining to them that there’s no chance of the date going anywhere serious and they are just one of 70 other dates you are taking away all of their fear. And they don’t have to worry about being seen as a “slut” because they are doing it for a good cause.

Plus, this challenge takes you “off the market” so-to-speak. That’s a very powerful thing! Girls are attracted to what they can’t have and they have a natural resistance, initially, to anyone they feel might have intentions to date them. It’s a natural thing that women can’t help and it has nothing to do with you. But, since you are “off the market” you slip right through that resistance. I’m telling you, this is easy! At first, girls may think you are just using this as a “line” to get dates, but once you have proven that this is real and you are 100% dedicated to it, you can get a date from just about any single girl you know.

Start with your female friends, and once you go through every girl you know (that sounds bad, but you know what I mean), start asking girls you don’t know that well. Girls you have some connection to are always best, but you can even go up to complete strangers! Just make sure you don’t do it alone. Always have at least one friend (preferably girls) who can vouch for youso they won’t think you are just lying to get a date with them. That sounds scary, but once you get to that point you’ll have more confidence than you have now. You’ll still be really nervous, but that’s okay, everyone gets nervous before going up to girls!

"Will you go out with me...and also tell me where the nearest restroom is?"

“Will you go out with me…and also tell me where the nearest vomit bag is?”

Don’t pick and choose, just go up to as many girls as you can and tell them of your situation and that you need dates. If they ask you why you made this commitment, just say you read online that it will help you learn a lot about yourself. Which is true! For whatever reason, girls love that kind of stuff. Self-discovery really attracts women. No idea why!

The less you know them, and the creepier you come across, the less likely they are to agree to it. But, that’s okay. The “no’s” you get are just as helpful to you as the “yes’s”! Girls say “no” because of what they fear you might be, not because of who you actually are! It’s not a personal rejection. If they really knew who you are, they’d be glad to help you out!

You’ll get a lot of girls saying “no” (of course), but if they know they have nothing to worry about and are just helping you out, many will be glad to do it. If they know they are just going to be girl #53, they’ll be more likely to help you out. But, even if they don’t, it’s a great conversation starter and you’ll end up getting into some good conversations and meeting some interesting people. In fact, many of the girls who say no have someone that they will offer to set you up with!

Trust me, the more dates you have, the easier it will get. Once people see how serious and committed you are it will become really easy – you’ll get help from everyone you know!

The more you hear "no", the more you'll get used to it. Successful people aren't afraid of rejection because they practiced it so much.

The more you hear “no”, the more you’ll get used to it. Successful people aren’t afraid of rejection because they practiced it so much.

What kind of dates?

Don’t take them to movies or anything like that. Go to dinner, or get coffee. Meet up for dessert. Do something fun like putt-putt. Or bowling. Good “first date” things.

And, when you are out with girls you know 100% for sure you’d never be interested in, ask for advice and tips. Give them permission to give constructive criticism. You will learn sooo much this way! Just be sure and ask them to not tell anyone you were asking for advice.

If a girl says she can’t do a particular day, ask her what her schedule looks like. This will allow you to find a day and time that would be good for both of you. If she gives some additional excuse, like she doesn’t have her calendar with her or this is just a really bad month for her, let her off the hook. Come back and ask her again in several weeks.

The more dates you go on, the more word will get around about how serious you are about this challenge. The more serious you are, the more people will notice. After word starts getting around, girls that initially were apprehensive about saying yes will come around and feel more comfortable agreeing to help you out.

Don't do anything this guy is doing!

Don’t do anything this guy is doing!

Second dates?

Multiple dates with the same person are okay (up to 20 total, no more than 4 with same person), in fact they can be good. If the two of you really hit it off and enjoyed each other’s company and you would like to continue the conversation, feel free to call them up NO SOONER THAN A WEEK LATER and say something like…

“Hey, I thought we had fun the other day and I’d be open to meeting again for coffee next week if you’re interested.”

If she’s not interested, that’s okay. You aren’t looking for a relationship anyway. Some girls you will hit it off with, some you won’t. Some you’ll think you hit it off with but didn’t, and some you’ll think you didn’t hit it off with but actually did. That’s true of everyone, so don’t take it personally. The only way to know is to ask.

But remember, even if you like them and they like you, you are forbidden to become serious!

Or else the kid gets it!

Or else the kid gets it!

Setting you up!

I hate set ups and blind dates, but this is a completely different situation! Once you start running out of girls around your age (yes, they do have to be around your age to count) start asking the people you know to spread the word and try to set you up with some of their friends.

This will allow you to meet a lot more great people and get to know girls you would never normally get to ask out. It also allows your friends to build you up. And since they’ll know all about your 70 date challenge, things won’t be weird. There’s no pressure like in normal set-ups and blind dates. And the very situation itself gives you plenty to talk about!

But for goodness sakes, if you are hung up on someone, don’t talk about the girl you are in love with during any of your dates! Terrible idea.

Easing you in

This experience will ease you into dating in a fun and easy way! You will grow in so many ways that you will not expect. Once you finish you will have had some successful second and possibly third dates, and maybe you have a potential relationship just waiting for the stupid challenge to be over with so you can finally get serious! If not, you’ll have more potential names in your address book than just about anyone! And you’ll have already been on at least one date with all of them so you know which ones you might have a future with.

Plus, you will have seen just how easy dating is and that it doesn’t have to be anything serious. You don’t date to spend time with the one you’ve fallen in love with, you date to FIND the person you will eventually fall in love with!

For more information about what to do on a date and why girls only see you as “a friend” check out my book.

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- Jim Graham
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