Q: “How do you know if he is the right guy or not?” - Deeandra M.
A: Deeandra, I’m going to give you the same advice I’ve given many girls in the past. In fact if I could, I’d give it to every girl in world! I 100% believe that most people settle way too early instead of holding out for exceptional. That’s incredibly sad! Please don’t be one of those people!
Anytime you are in a relationship that is serious (or starting to get serious) there are 3 questions you need to ask yourself. If you can’t honestly answer “yes” to all three, then you need to break up with him as soon as possible! No “ifs” “ands” or “buts”!
The 3 Questions Every Female Should Ask Themselves
#1. Can you imagine yourself waking up next to him every day feeling like the luckiest woman in the world for being with him?
Now, I realize that it’s unrealistic to expect any couple to literally always feel like the luckiest people in the world for being with each other. There are peaks and valleys in any relationship. But, that’s not what the question is. In the early stages of a relationship you should be able to easily imagine it!And there are plenty of elderly couples who after several decades of marriage still wake up most days feeling like the luckiest people in the world.
If you can’t realistically (don’t fool yourself) imagine it this early on in a relationship, then what hope do you have 30 years from now?
#2. Do you make each other better?
I remember back in college there was a friend of mine who was dating a girl that seemed to make him miserable. He couldn’t see it, but the rest of us could. When she was around, he completely changed! Our fun friend turned into a depressed, serious lump that we didn’t really enjoy being around. That’s an extreme example, but you get my point.
In every relationship, both people bring out and suppress certain parts of each other’s personalities. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen lose some of their best attributes once they got married. I really grieve losing them like that. It really is like the person I used to know died!
Pay attention to how your relationship affects you. Does he bring out the best in you? Are you better together than you are apart? Ask those closest to you. Are there parts of yourself that have started to be less prevalent since you’ve been together? Does he appreciate and encourage the things about you that make you you?
Don’t make the same mistake so many others have made. If he doesn’t make you better and bring out and inspire the best parts of you, then dump him!
#3. Will he be the spiritual leader of your family?
This is the one that usually gets people. The man’s role in a family, according to the bible, is to be the spiritual leader. However, in most relationships it seems to be the woman who is more spiritually mature than the man. This will lead to trouble, I promise you!
Whether he accepts the responsibility or not, he will be the spiritual leader. It’s the natural dynamic of the relationship. If he’s spiritually immature (or not spiritual at all), he will bring you down. This is true no matter what belief system you have. You want your family to be on the same page in terms of religion or belief system. A house divided against itself cannot stand.
This is especially true if you are a Christian. If he is not a good spiritual leader, your children will greatly suffer. We are seeing the results of this in our nation today. Of course, I’m not talking about an abusive or dominating man. I’m talking about a leader! A leader who will not wimp out on his responsibility and shoulder you with all the burdens of the family. How often have we seen wives leave their husbands because she ended up having to do everything in the family? Men today tend to expect their wives to do everything instead of trying to take as much of the burden as they can.
I won’t get into all the important parts of being in a successful marriage, but trust me, it all starts with him being a good spiritual leader. That’s the most important part, and a terrific indicator for all the other things. And, if you are a Christian, nothing else matters if you are unequally yoked.
So, there you have it. Ask yourself those 3 questions, and if you can’t say yes to all 3, then it’s time to break it off. (If you will excuse the self-promotion, you honestly might also want to give him a copy of my book!) I know it’s easier said than done, but someday you’ll be so glad you did. Don’t settle for less than exceptional! God has someone better for you. I promise!!!